Praising the child is a useful way of encouraging him towards positive achievements and behaviors. But not always parents can do it right. Sometimes they praise the child, instead of his behavior and use words or terms that just sound nice, but do not make the child feel good. Other times, they are pure trivialities, which the little boy hears all along or even lies, which no longer impress him, because he has heard them all! Here are some common mistakes, examples and their solutions!
Where do parents often go wrong in praising and appreciating the child?
they use general terms and are not specific;
praise the child, not the behavior;
sometimes they take responsibility for their success; I say that because of them the child succeeded in doing what he did, that they taught him;
I punish him for mistakes; mistakes are learned - they are part of the process of learning in children;
offers material rewards for their achievements, thus showing them "appreciation" for the way they have behaved;
I use sarcasm or irony.
Examples of frequent mistakes in praising the child and their solutions
"It's the most beautiful drawing I've ever seen"
Impressive, but it is a lie and it also has a negative effect on the child. You don't realize it, but such reactions, which sound great, only put pressure on him by involuntarily imposing standards on him. One will think "if this drawing is the most beautiful for my mother, what should I do next time to impress her even more?"
Put it another way, focusing on his efforts, and not on the final product: "I really like how you combined the colors of the flower petals and how you drew the box, used very cheerful and beautiful colors."
"I'm so proud of you"
Because? If you do not emphasize the behavior for which your little one has made you so proud, you will not get any benefit from his praise. At most you will spoil it and discourage it from doing other things as well or striving more next time.
Specify why you are proud, but not focusing on the result, but on his efforts: "I am proud of you for how much you worked on completing the puzzle and I know how hard it was. But it came out very well and very beautiful. It was worth it, wasn't it? " Don't just tell him you're proud of him for doing the puzzle. He will understand that you will not be proud of him the next time he finishes the puzzle!
"You were so good at shopping. Mommy loves you so much for that!"
Does mommy love him only when he is a good child or when he is a good child? No, mom must love him unconditionally. The worst thing you can do to raise a child is to condition your love for certain achievements or things.
Focus on his effort to stay calm and to help you: "I know how hard it was for you to stay so quiet and help me with shopping, you did a great job and I'm very pleased with you, thanks!"
"You're a genius! He's the smartest kid in the world because you solved the math problem"
Pretty much said for a math problem (whether it's an equation or a simple addition). If he is "the smartest man in the world", he means that he no longer needs to prove it by engaging in other challenges in mathematics or in other subjects. He already knows he's the smartest.
Better tell him "I know you worked hard to solve the problem, but here you were. Explain to me how you managed to get it done? Isn't it good for you to do something?" Ask him questions about his success to focus his attention on feelings and how he feels when he succeeds. He knows he likes the feeling, don't hesitate to send it to him every time you get the chance!
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