I don't give advice because I don't like being bombarded with tips. Instead I share my experience because I like to hear the stories of others.
Who likes the advice? Especially those who are not really to the ears? From childhood to adulthood we receive advice over advice. Some of us are looking for ourselves, others we accidentally steal from the walk, but most of us receive them involuntarily, like sandstorms. The tips can create discomfort to the discussion participants if they are "gifted" insistently and aggressively. We all have relatives who "know better" or acquiescence with "listen to me, do as I tell you!"
Even if we are at the beginning of the road, in the family or in the career, and we are looking for as much guidance information, the discussions in which some of them wear the clothes of the tutors are not pleasant at all. If we also add the situations in which the advisors come back to check if "you did as they told you", then the pleasure of the conversation or the company is irreversibly collapsed. On the other hand, if the close ones replace the tips with the story of their experience (be it and subjectively nuanced) they allow us to macerate the information and to draw only those conclusions that fit us at that moment.
Let's take two examples:
1. "let's tell you how I spent my first month with the baby"
2. "Do not somehow learn the baby in his arms!"
If the first sentence creates interest for the listener, the second one crosses an emotional barrier between the interlocutors. Not infrequently I met as a young mother with such situations. Instead of imperative tips like "don't do that!" I would have liked to hear personal experiences of those around me from which to draw later examples of "so will I" / "so will not do".
When "good" tips do more harm
At first, the advice I received on how to raise my child broke me because they weakened my confidence in my own maternal instinct. Along the way, with the support of the man with whom I have chosen to make a family, I have reinforced my confidence that the best decisions are the ones that best suit us.
As a final smile, although I do not like the tips and advice, I still have a list of guidelines (:) sounds much gentler) that I have completed over time and which has proven to be it would be beneficial to me:
• "trust your instinct!" - from the husband
• "listen to what your child is telling you, he will help you make the best decision regarding him!" - from a friend
• "you have confidence in your own body!" - from the gynecologist
• "there are no rules, graphics or magic recipes, each family is unique!" - from the breastfeeding and nutritional consultant
• "Don't judge your parents!" - from the father
• "some people don't change, if you can accept them!" - from my mother
• "hold me in Your Arms!" - from my daughter.
Catinca is a mom, blogger and pharmacist and writes stories about her castle on catincavlad.ro. You can find it Facebook Catinca Vlad.
Tags Mommy Tips Unwanted Tips