I have often wondered what to do when my children were not communicating with me.
We asked them how it was at school or what they did with their friends and the answer came, invariably: "Good" ... and so on.
In vain I try to challenge them to tell me more, in vain I explain to them that I want to know more about what they are doing. They looked at me as if they didn't understand the language I was talking to and they said, "I have nothing to say to you. Nothing interesting happened. It was fine."
If we insisted they would tell me that they got bored at school, that they don't like what they do there and that everything is the same every day.
It also happens to you that you do not manage to find out too much from your child, although you really want this?
Do you and you feel helpless when your child closes in on him?
If you have a teenage boy, you certainly understand what I mean.
This is more visible in adolescents, but younger children can be very closed in them.
For younger children it is not so obvious, because they still play with their parents, they look at pictures or movies. So I spend more time with my parents, even if I don't talk about kindergarten or school.
After 10-12 years, however, they start looking for other jobs, they play more on the computer, they read, they have more homework, and so the parents discover that they know less and less about their child's life outside the house.
I want to tell you now a strategy that I discovered by chance and that always works.
At one point, wanting to communicate as much as possible with my children and because they didn't tell me anything about them, I started telling them about what I do and asking them what they think about the projects I work on.
What do you think happened?
They became very attentive, listened to me and came up with ideas that were extremely valuable to me.
Once the ice broke, they started telling me about theirs, and so I found out more about them than I did before.
Here are some steps I recommend you take to help your child communicate with you:
- Start any conversation with your child by telling them what you have done before.
- Involve him in your problems and ask for his opinion.
- Talk to him as an adult and show his interest in knowing what solutions he sees in the things that concern you.
This way you will create a communication bridge with your child. He will feel important and appreciated and this will help him to open up to you.
- Quit questioning style questions: "What did you do in school?", "What grades did you take?" and so on These questions do not help authentic communication.
- When the child starts to tell you something, give him all your attention. Listen to everything he has to say, without commenting, without disapproving, without criticizing. LISTEN ONLY!
- Tell her your opinion only when she asks. Don't rush to give him advice and don't judge him. You have the patience to listen to everything he has to say.
This way he will feel that you really care, he will feel understood and listened to and he will want to tell you more and more, because it will feel good to talk to you.
What do you think? Will it work for you too?
In my case and my children it worked wonderfully!
I challenge you to try this strategy starting today, when you get home. Instead of asking your child what he or she has done, start by telling him or her what you have done before. Create an atmosphere as pleasant as possible and tell them about yourself. Be very careful about what's next!
I am very curious to find out how it was, so please do not hesitate to tell me in a comment to this article.
Business & Life Coach
PS: if you are interested in reading more parenting articles, I invite you to www.copiiminunati.ro.
Tags Communication with children Communication with adolescents