Being a mom. Maybe for a few months. Maybe a year. Or two. You look at your mum with a bright smile. They have impeccable manicure. Arranged hair. I live in the perfect relationship. I go out with my friends, go to concerts, go on city breaks.
You only run breathing to the store at the corner, you run on the run and cut your nails short-short which is faster, more practical and more comfortable. You eat chaotic, more than left over from the little one, and sometimes you feel like just a cup of coffee keeps you alive. You open the doors of the large closet: this no, no this, no, not this, you take the one yesterday, because she is the only one who shows you less than you are. You feel too much mother and too little woman. You do not have time and the disposition to be feminine.
There's nothing wrong with you and you are not the only one who gets depressed thinking about how it was and where it is now. The eyes are tired, the body is heavier, the smiles are more towards the child than the husband. But it's normal to be that way. A while. The good news is that it's only a matter of time. Will pass. It will be better. You just need patience.
After I was born and realized it's a little different, I asked other moms when it would be easier. "About 2 years." "The 3". "It will be easier when it starts to work." "When he starts talking."
I would say so: there is no valid universal answer - it depends on the child, you, who is next to you to help you. If you are like me, without external help (only the good one who comes to the program, while I am at work, not at night, not at the weekend), with grandparents away, but with a husband involved, if your time is given priority to the child, because you have established that his needs are a priority in this early period, because you know that the first years of life are essential for strengthening the child-parent attachment and for the amazing development of the brain, if you know how much of an order in your life, but you don't an obsession from this, then it may take you 2-3 years to feel like you're back.
At 2 years you start breathing. In your rhythm you forgot. You remember that you have passions, beyond being a mother. As if the mind is quiet and you have time to enjoy and focus on a book, a movie. You start to organize yourself better. Communicate better with the child, you begin to know what he wants, how he wants, intuition is replaced by dialogue. From 2 to 3 years the child goes through a major transformation. He learns a lot, he has opinions, he becomes more independent. Yes, it's that time with tantrums, but it's also a positive part. Play role-playing games, draw, browse a book, invent games from anything, give yourself some time to breathe. If you need to do something, apart from it (and if it doesn't take too long), you can explain and understand it.
But don't expect things to change all at once. They all come slowly and slowly. First you start thinking of yourself, that you would do more for your soul. Then you would see a movie, although you feel that you could not devote 100% to two hours, when you have so much to do! Then you could be late on your way home to a quick shopping session. Then you even read an entire book and it takes less than a week. And you see a movie head-to-tail, and the sink is full of dishes. You go out for coffee with an old friend. And a month - two, you may not feel substantial progress anymore. But you feel your brain is working better, your mind is clearer and you have clearer what you want. You realize that you are leaving the weekend less tired. You do not have a well-established program yet, the child wakes up at night in the head when you do not expect or cool and three days you do not enter and you give the program over your head. But overall, you get back into the rhythm and you are surprised that you are ready to start a systematic program in the room (yes, you need the support of the partner, someone has to stay with the child). You can even dare to go out constantly, every two to three days. Or you may want to take a course and dedicate time to it. Even if it's online. And cleanliness is no longer an obsession, you get used to a little chaos. It is no longer a tragedy that toys are spread throughout the house and you have not wiped the dust for a week. Become brighter and more patient with your partner. He is no longer to blame for everything that happens and does not happen in the house. And you're looking for the red goose through the drawer.
Do not rush. Have patience with your child, with your lover, with you. Don't look at others, often things are not what they seem to be. A picture is not a reality, it does not judge the life of others by an image, after a Facebook post and generally it does not judge the life of others. Just look at your world and do what you know and feel good about. It will not be like before, but you will find yourself, gradually. You enter a positive circle: as you do things for yourself, you are more toned, more fit, more optimistic, you see what is good and you no longer consume for what does not go. But be patient.
I have a girl with zulufs for almost 3 years, for which my name is Mommy. For my husband I am Dana. I write about our life, what I learn and discover, with good and bad, light and heavy, on modernmother.ro. You can also find me Facebook Modern Mother.
Tags Good mother Mother feelings Mother life