Mistakes that divorced parents make
The divorce has for some time surpassed the status of taboo subject in the Romanian society. Thus, every year an increasing number of divorces is registered. However, this separation causes confusion and difficulties in adapting to the new lifestyle for the children whose parents have decided to separate.
In the following I will bring to your attention some of the frequent mistakes made following a divorce by partners, from my experience as a psychologist.
In most cases, the child / children remain in the custody of the mother, so the father is present in the child's life only 2-4 hours at the weekend. And here we come to the first mistake I would like to point out: blocking parent-child communication.
Although adults are no longer a couple, the child's perception of them is still unchanged and so we should try to maintain it. The presence of both parents in the child's life is extremely important and helps in the normal psychosocial development of the child.
It is recommended (within the limits of possibilities) that the parent-child relationship is supported through as many communication channels. For example, if the daily schedule does not allow the child to visit, you can talk on the phone or through video conferencing (Skype, Yahoo Messenger, etc.). Your child is an individual, who is intensely affected by the changes, so you have to ease their adaptation to the new living environment.
Don't talk ugly about the former partner, trying to put him in a bad light - the paternal image does not overlap with the portrait of a partner. Regardless of the problems you had as a couple, the image of the parent should not be built on negative considerations.
Establish a set of rules with the former partner regarding the child's education, so that no matter who spends his time, the child can refer to the same set of values. We chose here a simple example: the reward-penalty system. If one parent has resorted to a punishment, the other parent should not cancel the sentence or reward the child - this will increase confusion and increase disobedience.
Some parents avoid discussing separation with their little ones. This is another mistake I have encountered quite often. Encourage your child to ask questions and try to answer them as honestly as possible. Through questions, children try to understand and accept change.
It is also possible to experience difficulties in the group of friends, being a child whose parents have divorced. Explain this process and provide examples of other acquaintances / friends / celebrities who are in the same situation. It will be much easier for him to realize that he is not the only child in this situation and is no different from the others.
I would have a lot to list, but I decided to write just one more sentence to help you make the best decisions: No children get divorced, only parents do it!
Psychologist - Qpsy, psychology office
Tags Divorce parents parent Communication children divorce Divorce effects children