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Psychologist warns: than in a dysfunctional family, better with divorced parents

Psychologist warns: than in a dysfunctional family, better with divorced parents

Annually, thousands of couples in Romania get divorced: the latest data shows that in 2015, over 31 thousand couples gave up marriage, with an increase of 4300 divorces compared to 2014. Divorce affects both adults and children seen in the situation of staying with only one of the parents. The effects felt by the little ones differ depending on the stage in which they are. For example, in the preschool child:

"Dependence can be installed on the parent with whom he remains, a fear of being left behind, an anxiety of separation. Sleep problems can occur or he doesn't want to go to kindergarten anymore. The opposition also begins: he no longer wants to do certain things because he actually wants his parents to be together. " says Ozana Ilie, a psychologist at Infant Kineto Clinic who provides support to children affected by parental divorce.

A study by American psychologists at the University of Virginia has shown that anxiety, pain and shock affect children especially in the short term. In most children, these disappear within two years of separation of parents. Throughout this period, parental involvement in parenting and therapy can help them overcome crisis moments more easily.

"An older child, a schoolboy, will think that because of his fault the rupture occurred and then we observe 2 behaviors: either he tries to be more and more happy, just to convince his parents that he is doing nothing wrong, or , the second option, the child reborn: he begins to insult, becomes aggressive with his school colleagues, thus expressing dissatisfaction. Sometimes, regressive behavior also appears, that is, it wants to become a baby again, to be nourished by a certain parent, fostered, swayed, " describes situations commonly encountered by psychologist Ozana Ilie.

Even adolescents are not exempt from trauma - on the contrary, they pass harder than preschoolers and schoolchildren through the experience of parental divorce - and can develop antisocial behaviors. In many situations, they become drug users, alcohol or run away from home. A serious situation that psychologists encounter is domestic violence, the second cause of divorce in Romania after infidelity.

"It would be best for parents to be separated, because then the child no longer witnesses scenes of violence, aggression, lack of love. It is serious for the child because the parent shows him what the life of a couple means, thus becoming his future model. So than in a dysfunctional family, better with separated parents but caring for their child. Moreover, when women accept to be assaulted by men, the child will not appreciate the mother for sacrifice, but will blame her and ask her later why she stayed. In addition, these mothers will be considered weak because they are with an aggressive husband. The child, in the subconscious, appreciates the father as being strong and authoritative. Even if later, when they become adults, they understand what the reality was, then, for the moment, these are their feelings ”, says the psychologist at Infant Kineto Clinic.

The key to a balanced child after divorce is communication with the child. Parents need to explain their situation and assure them of their love for life. The lack of dialogue can accentuate the traumas, so be careful to believe that it is best if the little one knows absolutely nothing about what is happening.

"In this case, we are watching a real drama, because he suddenly wakes up that his family, with his mother and father, does not exist anymore. They are no longer together, no longer eating together, no longer having activities together. In the short term, such a change can be a shock, we diagnose some traumas, because in the development of the child, the presence of the maternal and paternal models are very important. ", concludes the psychologist.

Studies have shown that a divorce can improve the life of a child, especially if it gets rid of the violent or stressful environment. Divorce can also have benefits for balanced families: the child can enjoy both parents when spending time with each other. Then, exposed to the couple's relationships restored after the divorce, he will have access to healthy models from both the mother and the father. Moreover, some specialists say that a child going through a parent divorce will be more independent and could perform better in life and career.

About Infant Kineto Clinic

Infant Kineto Clinic is a center dedicated to the harmonious development of children and offers kinetotherapy, pediatric psychology, speech therapy, as well as cardio activities for children or creative workshops. The experts of the center are specialists with great experience in working with patients of early age. The center, located in Bucharest, is not addressed only to those who have received a diagnosis more or less worrying for their child (neurological problems, orthopedic problems, paralysis, speech disorders, behavioral disorders, etc.), but they are addressed as well as those who want to know their children growing up healthy, through regular movement programs made under the guidance of experts.

Tags Divorce effects children Divorce parents Divorced parents