Most of us have been educated to look at sexuality as something taboo that is not discussed in the family, and many of us have not "smelled" the trace of intimacy between our parents with us.
As the name implies, intimacy is an intimate matter that happens between us, people. And many of us prefer to keep this joy for ourselves. Most, when I hear the word "privacy" they automatically think of sexuality.
But in fact "Intimacy" has a broad meaning, which partially contains the physical relationship in a couple, but it also contains the trust, the joy, the communication, the sharing of the joy of being together, that special relationship that is the love between two people.
But I think the reverse is not exhibitionism towards everyone. For me to see my children as their parents love, hug and are happy together means to allow them to receive an example of a relationship between two adults.
Perhaps even more than that, the fact that we love and are close to one another gives them and their unconscious feelings of security and protection received in the family.
However, what happens after the arrival of children even in couples who love each other and have no serious problems?
Usually the main priority becomes the child. At first it is natural, everything is so new, the baby is so small and has so much need for continuous connection with the mother, and the mother needs to adapt and harmonize with her baby. Very natural. But in time, we can get out of this "bubble" so that we can adapt to the whole context in which our lives unfold. There is also a life partner, and personal time with oneself, passions, friends, extended family.
In our case, the novelty of coming to the world of our first child overwhelmed us, even if it was wanted and expected with love. But our way of adapting to the news was to stay together, learn together, support each other in this "learning" process. And together we continued the process of knowing the new context of life and when we started to remove the ends of the "bubble" where we were with our new baby.
The comfort and joy of being together "for better and for worse" helped us to discover how our couple relationship evolves. How many of us do not say with a kind of bad opinion that "it is not like before"?
What we have discovered that brings a lot of passion into our relationship is curiosity about how the other evolves, what brings new from who he is. I assumed that, as I am no longer like 20 years old, my partner is no longer like 20 years old. So, what is my bad opinion about the "no longer as before" relationship? So I look with curiosity and openness to my partner with whom I discover together the joy of our growth and intimacy.
These are just a few of the directions we are discussing and with the participants in the program that I built with my husband - Andrei - which is called the Couple's Life School.
So I invite you to reflect on your role as partners, and however difficult it would be for you at the beginning, after the appearance of the children, to re-connect you step by step, so that you return to your moments of intimacy once. , when it was just you two. It is not impossible, you just need mutual patience and understanding!
Article written by Oltea Tudose, founder and mentor of the School of Couple Life
Tags Life couple raising child Sex parents