The dependence of the parent child, especially the mother, is natural in early childhood, until around the age of 3, when its independence or autonomy should be encouraged in many of the activities it undertakes. It is worrying if after this age the little one refuses to do the basic things like washing, dressing, eating, playing, etc.
Cristina Calarasanu, psychologist specializing in "Family Psychoanalytic Therapy" helped us identify when a problem is dependent on the child and highlighted some measures that must be taken to discourage this harmful behavior in its development!
How do you recognize the dependency of the parent child?
Before 3 years, the needs of the child are addressed directly to the mother and only she can anticipate and satisfy them.
As the child gains autonomy (he goes alone, talks, plays), this dependency should diminish. But this is not always the case.
In some children, addiction can be maintained until the age of schooling and it is easily recognized by the fact that they do not eat, do not sleep and do not dress alone, do not go anywhere, etc. They are 100% dependent on the advice and help of a parent. I can't do anything on my own and I don't take the initiative.
Why does the child become dependent on the mother?
The child becomes dependent on the mother when she is not emotionally prepared to cope with the separation process, she has not yet formed the capacity to remain alone. It is about the inner capacity to accept that she does not permanently need the physical presence of the mother and that she can stay in the company of other people when she is missing, says the psychologist.
The child is very scared that he will lose his mother. The specialist claims that this loss of life is called the anxiety of abandonment and appears when the child is forced to leave near his mother. He has the impression that he has left, that the mother will disappear from the landscape forever. This anxiety can occur if in the child's early experiences, as a baby, there were temporary separations or separations from the mother.
Parental dependence also occurs when the mother is not ready to provide autonomy to the child. She is very scared, very worried, she thinks something might happen to her child and that no one can take care of him as she has.
What measures should you take?
It is important to know that child empowerment cannot be done suddenly, because it can cause great suffering. It is a gradual process that should be encouraged in particular through:
- creating a sense of security and confidence in the child when you detach from him to be allowed to do various activities by himself (the child must know that he is safe and that nothing bad is happening at those times);
- early encouragement of the initiative and participation in activities and games with other children or other persons, or in activities that the child can do alone;
- encouraging the child to learn and learn small habits related to his own care and the environment around him (to dress, wash, eat, collect toys, help with some light tasks, etc.);
- setting limits and establishing rules (it is drawn and imposed by small which activities take place together, which happen individually, each one where he sleeps and with whom, with whom the child stays, etc.).
Tags Independence of children Emotions of children Emotional development of children